Work Riddles:

What is the difference between a jeweler and a jailer?
Answer: A jeweler sells watches, a jailer watches cells.
What is the difference between a tailor and a horse trainer?
Answer: One mends a tear, the other tends a mare.
What is the difference between a fisherman and a lazy student?
Answer: One baits his hook, the other hates his book.
What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?
Answer: One minds the train, the other trains the mind.
What is the difference between a gardener and a billiard player?
Answer: One minds his peas, the other minds his cues.
What key in music makes a good army officer?
Answer: A Sharp Major.
What kind of car does an electrician drive?
Answer: A Volts Wagon (Volkswagen).
What kind of a truck does a ballerina drive?
Answer: A toe (tow) truck.
What is the difference between a dressmaker and a farmer?
Answer: A dressmaker sews what he gathers, a farmer gathers what he sows.
What kind of artist can't you trust?
Answer: A sculptor because he is always chiseling or a con artist.
Why did the woman who mended bowls go crazy?
Answer: She was around cracked pots (crackpots) too long.
Why did the spy pull the sheets over his head?
Answer: He was an undercover agent.
Why did the waiter stomp on his customer's hamburger?
Answer: Because the customer was in a hurry and told the waiter to step on it.
Why is a drama teacher like the Pony Express?
Answer: Because he is a stage coach.
Why didn't the girl go to work in the wool factory?
Answer: Because she was too young to dye (die).
Why is a shoemaker like a clergyman?
Answer: Both try to save soles (souls).
Why do misers talk so little?
Answer: Because they don't like to put their two cents in.
Why is a shoemaker's job unpleasant?
Answer: Because of all the low-down heels that he has to work with.
Why do people dislike going to the dentist?
Answer: Because he is boring.
Why did the pretty school teacher marry the janitor?
Answer: Because he swept her off her feet.
When does it pay to be boring?
Answer: When you're a ditch digger.
What salesman has the slickest line?
Answer: A hair grease salesman.
When is a teacher like a bird of prey?
Answer: When he watches you like a hawk.
What was Noah's profession?
Answer: He was an arkitect (architect).
Who judges baking contests?
Answer: A pirate (a pie right?)
When do mathematicians die?
Answer: When their numbers are up.
Who makes a million dollars a day?
Answer: Someone who works in a mint.
What profession did the parrot get into when it swallowed the clock?
Answer: Politics (Polly ticks).
Who was the first nuclear scientist?
Answer: Eve because she knew all about the atom (Adam).
Why was the banker bored?
Answer: Because he lost interest in everything.
Why are garbage men unhappy?
Answer: Because they are down in the dumps so much.
Why was Count Dracula glad to help young vampires?
Answer: He liked to see new blood in the business.
Why was the expert in the pretzel factory fired?
Answer: He tried to straighten things out.
Why was the worker fired from his job in the mattress factory?
Answer: Because he was caught lying down on the job.
Why was the cowboy a lot of laughs?
Answer: He was always horsing around.
Why shouldn't you believe painters?
Answer: Because they spread it on thick.
How do you learn to work in an ice cream parlor?
Answer: You go to sundae (Sunday) school.
Why was the Marine sergeant discharged?
Answer: Because he was rotten to the Corps (core).
How is a judge like an English teacher?
Answer: They both hand out long sentences.
Why was the photographer arrested?
Answer: Because he shot people and blew them up.
What do atomic scientists do when they go on vacation?
Answer: They go fission (fishing).
What do you call an undertaker in the South?
Answer: A Southern planter.
What did the worm want to do when he grew up?
Answer: He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).
What do you call the person who judges art contests?
Answer: Artificial ( an art official).
What do historians talk about when they meet?
Answer: Old times, of course.
What do you call the person who mows the grass of a baseball field?
Answer: A diamond cutter.
What did the rabbit want to be when he grew up?
Answer: He wanted to join the Hare (Air) Force.
What do you have to know to be a real estate salesman?
Answer: Lots.
What does a farmer grow if he works hard enough?
Answer: Tired.
For what person do all men take off their hats?
Answer: The barber.
How do fish go into business?
Answer: They start on a small scale.
At this moment everyone in the world is doing the same thing. What is it?
Answer: Getting older.
How do sailors get their clothes clean?
Answer: They throw them overboard and they wash ashore.
At what sports do waiters excel?
Answer: Tennis. They really know how to serve.
What did the little skunk want to be when it grew up?
Answer: A big stinker.
How do they pay people who work in a candle factory?
Answer: By the wick (week).
What happened when the girl met the goat in the dairy?
Answer: The goat turned to butter (butt her).
How do undertakers speak?
Answer: Gravely.
If the Pilgrims came over on the Mayflower, how did the barbers arrive?
Answer: On clipper ships.
What insect does a blacksmith make?
Answer: The firefly.
What is an astronomer?
Answer: A night watchman with a college education.
What is a tailor's son?
Answer: A son of a so-and-so (sew-and-sew).
What is an expert on soda pop?
Answer: A fizzician (physician).
What is a thirsty physician?
Answer: A dry dock (doc).
What could you call a highly educated and skilled plumber?
Answer: A drain surgeon.
What is the difference between a blind man and a retired sailor?
Answer: The blind man cannot see to go, the retired sailor cannot go to sea.
What did the invisible girl want to be when she grew up?
Answer: A gone-gone dancer.
What is the difference between a composer and a letter carrier?
Answer: One writes notes, the other delivers them.
Why are twin doctors puzzling?
Answer: They are a paradox (pair of docs).
What are doctors?
Answer: People who practice medicine but charge as if they know it.
Why are there no psychiatrists for dogs?
Answer: Everyone knows dogs aren't allowed on couches.
What did the laundry man say to the impatient customer?
Answer: Keep your shirt on!
What kind of policemen enjoy their work most?
Answer: Traffic policemen, because they whistle while they work.
Why did the cookie baker quit his job?
Answer: Because his work was so crummy (crumby).
What kind of job is it easy to stick to?
Answer: Working in a glue factory.
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